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Excerpts from Book 2: The Search

Growing Up Without the Goddess is a spiritual memoir written in three parts.  In Book 1: Breakdown, the author is in her mid-thirties when she experiences a sudden wobble in her psyche. She senses something old and destructive from the past is re-emerging and will destroy her stable life. She begins to explore the darkness within herself, and in Book 2: The Search, she goes on a journey through her past and takes the reader through a coming-of-age story with a wild-child who returns to the South as an intuitive adult to uncover secret wounds and a secret abuser. In Book 3:  Revelations, haunting memories, dreams, and visions disclose her secret abuser and lead to shocking revelations for all who grow up in a culture that does not honor the goddess.

Chapter 8
Hoochie-Coochie Dancing and the Red Wriggler Girl

It was the early fifties. My brother wore a Davy Crockett coonskin cap which I envied, and he played with marbles, many of which I later won from him in matches motivated by my love of beauty rather than a love of winning. Cat’s-eye marbles with woven swirls of iridescent blues or greens were my favorites. I would hold them up to the sky forever and fall into reveries. My bare knees grew crusty and darkened from touching the ground as I knelt to take a crack at the marbles in a circle. Grandma Blair scrubbed my knees nightly if she wasn’t having one of her spells. Mama was much too busy with the baby to bathe me anymore. ... more

Chapter 9
Baby Doll and the Boulevard Queen Take Trolley Rides

The first time I pushed the bike to the corner store, I was sent to get a can of Carnation condensed milk for the baby, and stupidly, I went right by Red Wriggler Edna’s house. She hovered around her back steps, watching me with her dry brown eyes. She had power over me because she knew I was “bad to the core,” like Big Arthur said most times when he beat me.
“You still ain’t learned to ride that thing, have you now?” Edna called out. ... more

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